Leadership Character Flaws and Grace

One of the more troubling questions for my Wesleyan Theology students to handle is a question dealing John Wesley’s marriage to Molly. In his 40s John married Molly a widower. At first she traveled with him but soon became discontent not living in her own home.

The marriage was a disaster. He was on the road preaching for weeks and months at a time. Molly wanted her husband to become the minister of a local church and remain home. She was jealous when women would seek her husband for spiritual counsel and when he would visit women in their homes. Her discontent grew to the point where she spoke unguardedly to many of her complaints.

John later admitted that marriage had been a grave error. After the first few years they never saw one another again. When word came that she had died Wesley did not grieve.

Students have difficulty understanding how such a spiritual giant could have been such an uncaring husband. Clearly he neglected his wife and there was little effort to make his marriage work. Wesley’s marriage is an example of what a bad marriage, and should not be emulated.

I try to remind my students that the age in which Wesley lived marriage was understood in less romantic terms than today. We stand in an era affected by the commencement of Victorian romance novels that changed people’s thinking about romance and marriage. Back then, love was the secondary factor. Companionship, childrearing, keeping of the house and respect were the primary factors. Hence, many marriages were arranged or were part of business or political alliances. In the 1700s it was not uncommon for professional men to be away from home for months or even years at a time on business.

That all said, even by the standards and expectations of the day his marriage was poor. Divorce was not an easy option for anyone. Hence, separation was the equivalent. Functionally, the founder of the Wesleyan movement, the man used in a mighty manner by God, the man who is the founder of the modern discipleship and small group moment, was divorced.

Today, many evangelical churches would preclude such a man from being a spiritual leader, lay or otherwise. The common teachings within the holiness movement would seem to question whether a claim of spiritual vitality would be true for a minister who became divorce. It is little wonder that students have difficulty reconciling this part of Wesley’s life with his ministry and teachings.

While Wesley’s marriage is not to be emulated, I am comforted by this part of Wesley’s story. It reminds me that God uses a range of flawed men and women like me and those I know. Regardless of what we hear preached from our pulpits, God does not use only flawless people as such people are rare in life. Wesley’s marriage reminds us that failings, even significant failings, in one or two areas of a person’s life does not limit God’s use of us to impact others and to build his Kingdom. And at times He does use us in spit of ourselves. For that I am comforted.