On this day, our thoughts naturally turn to our father and fatherhood. Our service in Arlington, and likely in most Corps and churches, had a heavy stress upon fatherhood. A few years ago I expressed to my father a frustration that I had with Jonathan, that he often was quicker to take council from others than from his own father. Dad smiled before quietly saying, “Son, you were the same way.”
Now I am seeing that with Josh, who is quicker to argue with his father than with his mother or brother. I have come to accept Josh’s pushing as I did Jonathan’s. Each son as he approaches manhood pushes to define themselves as not being made in the image of their father. They must make their own way in the world, even if it means ignoring their father’s suggestions and council. It does not necessarily mean that sons do not love their fathers. Rather it is a natural process of maturation and independence. I have come to see it that way even though it creates some angst upon a father’s heart.
I remind myself that I must have the wisdom to give my own sons latitude to grow and be themselves, to make their own mistakes and just be there for them. My roll is to stand off stage to give encouragement, to sooth their pains and to celebrate their joys. While I may shake my head at a moment now and again, my heart is still filled with pride and joy over what I am seeing in the lives of my sons. Their passions, sensitivity and love for others, and character make me proud of them.
Being a father is not about a biological process that creates life, nor is it primarily about being a provider for daily physical needs. Fatherhood is about guiding one’s children and helping to shape their faith, values and character through words and actions. It is about being upright in character and living out that character and faith before one’s own children. I am thankful to God for living out his faith and character before me.
I have been highly blessed by three men of character, my father, Jonathan and Joshua. To the one who is a father, and to the two who make me so proud of them and I hope will one day enjoy the fullness of fatherhood, Happy Fathers Day. My your character and faith continue to impact others and add to my live.
4 comments:
I'm stuggling with this very thing in our household as well. With a son who will be 17 in a couple of days, I want to be able to let up on the reigns and allow the independance, but on the other hand, he still requires to be under our very watchful eye.
What we are experiencing now is the sons turning back to the father for "council" before making decisions. We have almost come full circle. Ah yes, life rolls on, and the rewards can be great!
Your boys have a great respect for you David. It is apparent every time we are together or we talk to them. You are a great example to them. I hope you had a great Father's Day.
In the past year or so, Jonathan has started turning to you more than he did previously. He will make his own decisions, but he at least wants to hear your point of view these days. He is also more willing to admit that he should have paid more attention to you a few years ago. He looks back now and sees that you occasionally do know what you're talking about. Joshua will do the same thing when he's settled into adulthood.
The comment was intended to be an observation of a maturation and independence process. I know young ladies go through the same stage with their mothers. In the process of seeking to be independent it is still amazing how much like their father a son still will become in the process, and a daughter like her mother, from the way they talk and laugh to how they walk to how they tend to think. Yet, I will enjoy one day smiling and saying “You were the same way.”
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